Are Separate Beds Bad For A Relationship?

For years, people have been researching a link between shared beds and deep emotions. People who share life together, usually sleep in one bed, then they share every night.

After all, the shared bed is a window into deepest fears, vulnerabilities, and strongest connections that one human can achieve with the other one.

When it comes to the philosophy of a shared bed, it’s important to note that this comes with huge pressure. It’s deep in human roots that a shared bed is mandatory for successful relationships and happy mutual life.

However, it’s important to note that this common practice is a socially constructed belief system, not science-based. So, can sleeping in separate beds actually improve or worsen your relationship? Let’s discover.

Sleeping In Separate Beds

The truth is that we are all different. You may know how much sleep you may need per age, but you can never know how bed co-sleeping partner is until you spend a night together.

Also, the truth is that we all have different sleeping habits, bedtime routines, and overall a sleeping style.

Some people love to sleep with shades open so they can wake up with first sunlight and soak in as much melatonin as possible, while others prefer a darker environment and colder room temperature.

Furthermore, some people are prone to sleep-related medical issues such as nocturia, bruxism, or even restless leg syndrome which involves frequent toilet visits and loud noises all night long.

Therefore, this can be something that many partners might tolerate easily, while it may irritate the others and create sleeping problems in them.

A night of poor sleep can lead to moodiness, morning headache, and overall grumpiness that will affect your work performance, academic performance, and homework performance if you have teenagers (this could lead to sleep deprivation in teens) or toodles who share a bedroom.

Simple said physical health and mental well-being are linked with good night sleep. Not getting enough sleep can lead to chronic pain, decreased and weakened immune function, and various health complications.

Lack of sleep can even lead to anxiety, depression, and numerous mental health issues.

So, when you, or your partner, don’t get enough sleep your relationship may suffer. So, are separate beds a possible solution?

Separate Beds In Relationship?

Tradition says that couples share a bed. However, the lates sleeping trends are showing different angel. The truth is that a growing trend of couples choosing to sleep in separate beds may actually help couples get better sleep.

Sleeping Apart Has Its Benefits

Couples who are custom to sleeping in separate beds claim that this way of sleeping actually improves their relationship and grows them closer.

As you know already, regular and peaceful sleep is the best foundation for healthy mental and physical health, as well as the health of your relationship.

Just think about it – when you have enough sleep, you are more eager to seize the day, you feel more rested, and you are overall pleasant and happy.

On the other side, if you miss an hour or two of sleep, or if you spend the whole night being up because your partner has cold feet or snores, you know that the following day you might feel crumpy, moody, and combative.

A 2013 study from the University of California, Berkeley, actually confirmed that anyone in a relationship knows that couples tend to have more fights after getting poor sleep.

To make things even worse, if your partner is the reason you didn’t sleep well, it will cause stress.

If you are getting enough sleep in separate beds, than your relationship will flourish. Some couples even go a step further by sleeping in separate bedrooms.

This practice also comes with benefits such as:

  • You can sleep in a preferred room temperature
  • You can sleep on your special mattress
  • You get to go to sleep, and wake up, much later
  • You get to organize your own bedtime routine and sleeping environment
  • No more cover pulling

Sleeping in a separate bed or even in separate rooms includes these benefits, but its also important to know that you mustn’t cross the line of a healthy relationship.

This means that if you feel that something is wrong, unusual, or too strange, you should openly talk about it and solve the issues. With that on the mind, let’s see what are the most common downsized of sleeping in a separate bed/room.

The Cons of Sleeping Apart

If you and your partner are disturbing each other sleep, you may try sleeping separately.

Still, you should know that it won’t be immediately easy, and you will need some adjustment time. Moreover, you can even expect to experience some downsides of separate sleeping.

Here are the most common cons of sleeping apart:

  • Due to a busy lifestyle, bedtime is often the only mutual touchpoint for couples during the day. This is a good moment to bond, talk about each other’s day, and make plans. This is more important in buys and loud households with babies or toddlers. It’s important for a couple to have their own private time and one-on-one moments.
  • Intimacy is important in every relationship. Regular intimacy improves your health, connection with a partner, and helps nurture your relationship. Separate sleeping can negatively influence this side of your marriage or relationship. Also, cuddling is important in every relationship, and couples must find time for this important moment. As practice has shown, they usually find these moments before bedtime. So, it’s important not to fall apart.

If you are just trying separate sleeping or thinking about it, you should know some things.

Here’s what to know if you’re going to try it

Sleeping separately does wonders for some couples, while for some, its all disaster, no complications. In some cases, this practice can strain the relationship and create a real mess.

So, before you jump into this world of separate sleeping, make sure that you are both ready for this, or that you are willing to try.
Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do both partners agree to it?
  • Is it temporary?
  • Is your relationship strong enough to overcome this separation?
  • How you are going to handle cuddling and intimacy moments?
  • If you have children, you will go to their room first if they start crying?

The most crucial moment here is that you are on the same page. Try separation if you just want to improve your sleep quality. Don’t go separate ways so that the children or the pet can replace your place. This is the move that will lead to a huge flight eventually.

Experts claim that in a healthy marriage, the spouse comes first over your child, except in rare and temporary circumstances.

Still, if you are going to separate bedrooms so you can sleep better, make sure that you follow these steps:

  • Define together the sleep issues
  • Be open about intimacy
  • Be willing to make adjustments
  • Keep an open-door policy
  • If possible, sync sleeping schedules
  • Expect to hear a different opinion from others

To Sleep Apart or Not to Sleep Apart?

At the end of the day, this is a highly individual need. You should be able to have a good night’s sleep and keep your partner.

Moreover, it’s also important to care about your partner’s sleep mutual relationship.

If you are willing to introduce some adjustments in your lifestyle and your bedtime routine, then you should test this sleeping arrangement and see how it’s going to work out for both of joy.